Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
All the doctor said was why
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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