we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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