Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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