i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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