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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  i'm watching the fashion show on bravo

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  you're cheating on project runway?

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  if you can't score coke, you buy crack.

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was

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• (478): View more from Georgia

  Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT

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• (914): View more from New York

  I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock

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• (941): View more from Florida

  Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home

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