Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
