My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
