Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize