woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
