you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
