This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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