its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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