There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
