hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
