Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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