i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
