In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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