If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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