Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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