where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize