stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Someone signed my nipple.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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