Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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