I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
