I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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