I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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