I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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