I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
