If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
