i jhust puked up my retainher.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
