Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
