At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You pole danced in your parka.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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