Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
