Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize