There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
