Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
my poor anus
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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