I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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