Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
