Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
