Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
