There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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