Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
