I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
