Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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