Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
