i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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