Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
