dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
