I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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