so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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