I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
