At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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