I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my being single is dangerous.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
