I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
