I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
