he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
