don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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