we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
