i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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