that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
