If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
