This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
