So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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