My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
