So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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