if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
