His pubic hair was longer than his dick
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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