TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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