i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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