i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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