I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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