That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
