So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
