So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
