She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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