Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Still dying that you shit outside
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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