So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
